I'm at war with a neighbourhood tomcat.
The new moggie-on-the-block scraps with my jet-black cat on our turf, before stealing its food. Then, as a gesture of thanks for the fight and free meal, it urinates on our front doorstep.
Such feline arrogance has forced me to crouch behind the lemon tree and unleash a volley of yellow grenades. None have been accurate, yet, but with the cause reinvigorated by a urine aromatic each time I open my front door, I have little issue with hurling citrus at maximum velocity.
These are tough times for Bay pets.
In the past fortnight about 10 cats were picked off by marksmen, while another was scalded with boiling water. Dogs too were shot at in suburban streets.
To add to the misery, the cash-strapped Hastings SPCA announced it may be forced to shut. The donation-reliant shelter's running costs are crippling.
Another symptom reared its head in Hastings District Court last week, where a young woman pleaded guilty to shoplifting after stealing dog-worming tablets from a supermarket. She told the court her dog needed treating but the tablets were too expensive.
When money's tight, the first thing to go is the Jellymeat.
But is it really?
On Valentine's Day last week, following another act of cat cruelty, a local citizen offered $1000 for information leading to a prosecution. The reward was increased to $1750 after others added to the kitty.
I have mixed feelings about the bounty.
The gesture was notable not just for its generosity but, because in my 39 years, I've yet to see a like reward tenured for acts of cruelty inflicted on the helpless within our own species.
Despite (or perhaps because of) this country's repugnant child-abuse statistics, the act of maiming animals still raises the ire of the populace much more swiftly.
The phenomenon reminds me of a controversial 2004 TV episode of Eating Media Lunch, where a mock slaughtering of Shrek the sheep was staged.
The next segment showed real macabre footage of Iraq soldiers shot dead as they crossed a street.
Not surprisingly the episode attracted complaints from viewers, namely, that the Shrek segment was distasteful. No complaints were offered on the slain soldiers.
Naturally, humanitarian causes shouldn't preclude our duty to protect animals. Yet that's what the SPCA is for.
Those who have the inclination and means to bankroll a posse for animal abusers would be better off sending that money to shore-up our ailing Hastings shelter.
But let's get real.
Man's inhumanity to man or, in New Zealand's case - man's inhumanity to children, surely warrants the lion's share of our resources.