Dams in South Africa are used to farm fish. Dams in Australia irrigate rice and cotton. Dams in the Hutt valley supply drinking water to Wellington. Dams at Maraekakaho irrigate grapes. Dams on the Waikato light up our towns and cities.
Greenpeace's view was barely plausible 30 years ago but now I believe it is an untruth. So why steal a shed to promote this?
Elementary. An enemy gets you publicity and funding. The great Satan for Greenpeace is the dairy industry. Only 14,000 farmers with no political clout are a soft target easily demonised. And they have a history of poor environmental stewardship.
But then, show Mr Holmes anyone in the hood who had a good environmental record before about 1970.
Compare them with Watercare Services owned by Auckland City. It admits that half of 110 overflow outlets discharge untreated sewage into the Waitemata harbour more than 50 times a year. Their consent permits them two overflows a year. Not several hundred.
They admit that most of the trouble spots pollute the harbour every time it rains.
The Auckland Council not only turns a blind eye to the continual breaches. It has approved 70 new apartments beside one of the worst outlets near Jervois Rd. Unlike the dairymen, they are actively involved in making things worse.
Greenpeace's core values state that "if you are willing to change, we will work with you. If you dither, backtrack or turn around we will be back". Dairying is willing to change, has changed and continues to change. Dairy farmers have invested $2 billion in the last decade to restore and improve their land.
I believe Auckland City is dithering and backtracking, and unwilling to change.
They are consenting new houses to further overload a bust system and dump yet more sewage into the harbour. Is Greenpeace working with dairying? No. They refuse to.
Is Greenpeace taking on the city? No. Are Greenpeace being true to their core values? I don't believe so.
Why have they abandoned their principles in the most cynical and calculated manner?
It destroys credibility and mana and devalues valuable work they do elsewhere. The case of the Stolen Shed is compelling.
But it's not a puzzle for the detective. Greenpeace is funded by city folk.
The NZ Herald's Brian Rudman wrote recently that "as long as Auckland's creaking sewage system ... continues fouling our own nest, we are no better than the cow cockies we so enjoy bad mouthing".
If the conservation movement tells its supporters they are worse than Satan, donations will disappear faster than the grass in a Hawke's Bay westerly.
Integrity and the chequebook are fair-weather friends. Principles are plastic when the dollar waves the stick.
The plot thickens. It has been alleged that HB regional councillor Tom Belford was emailing Greenpeace around the time the shed was removed.
Although Tom is a fervent advocate of transparency, he refuses to divulge the contents of this alleged correspondence.
Furthermore, instead of saying ""Naughty boy! Tell all! Play the game!", his council passed a resolution supporting him. I believe this is very murky.
This calls for the expertise of a Baker St sleuth. Clues. We need clues.
Enter the long arm of the law. Or is it the shortish arm? The complaint against the shed shifters was laid months ago.
How keen is Mr Plod to action the dusty file?
Embarrassing the government of the day and infuriating the possible government of the future, over a silly provincial escapade concerning a wee bit of money and some unloved cow people is unlikely to lead to promotion for anyone.
Or might there be a coded message from the ministry in Wellington saying that parking offences in Kotemaori are to be prioritised above all other inquiries until September?
No one doubts the integrity of the boys in blue. They will get there in the end. Don't believe rumours about a police car being overtaken by a family of snails on Dalton St.
We are officially the least corrupt country in the world, so the guilt will out and the innocent exonerated one day.
The Bemused Observer suspects that, as with the Havelock North water inquiry, the outcome, like the mashed-up samples on the floor of the stolen shed, may involve more work for Sherlock and more questions than answers.
Tim Gilbertson is a farmer, former mayor of Central Hawke's Bay and former Hawke's Bay regional councillor. His column will appear every fortnight on a Saturday. All opinions are his and not those of Hawke's Bay Today.