But hey..."Inuit Icicles"?
Nah, doesn't have the ring to it.
This same complainant also felt obliged to point out that they don't have pies in the lands of the Inuit.
There's no mercury floating about in Mercury Bay either so crikey, better change it...and the place down the coast in that region called Buffalo Beach - not many great bisons and whatever wandering those parts.
Thankfully, the Eskimo Pie survived the chilly scare from the charge of the right brigade, although sadly one of its colleagues in the freezer did not.
I so miss the Chocolate Bomb.
That odd paper-cup shaped block of ice cream smothered in chocolate and placed into a similarly-shaped wafer cone.
Half-time at the State Theatre before John Wayne loaded up his Winchester and the queue for this fine treat was always healthy.
But it just disappeared one day and that was that.
Maybe someone lodged a complaint with the Charge of the Human Rights Brigade that the use of the word "bomb" was inciting youngsters to go out and make things that would blow other things up.
But they didn't, because we already had Guy Fawke's Day once a year so our explosive desires were very well catered for, with the government's blessing I should add.
Although eventually they did ban the Double Happys and the Mighty Cannons...the ones that had the wick poking out halfway down the body and which we once used to blow a letterbox lid off, so it was a double blow.
No more bombs to light or eat.
Before the ban brigade again stepped in there were even sweet lollies created in the shape of a cigarette...to the point where one end was coated in red sugar dye to make it look like it was glowing with ash and fire.
Whoa, if you had somehow managed to buy a small box of them back in 1964 (yep, they came in little boxes like dad's Craven As) and put it away until today you'd likely make a fortune on Trade Me.
Although you'd also likely have to accept a few barbs about casting bad influences into the minds of children.
And there were the sherbet dabs.
Little triangular-shaped paper bags filled with sherbet which was accessed by the straw thing which came poked into the top.
They also disappeared, I think.
Put it this way, I don't really frequent lolly departments so maybe they're still out there somewhere.
But I don't think aniseed balls are.
Once upon a time, when my age was barely into double figures, you could get five aniseed balls for a penny.
They were a bargain, but basically because few kids could be bothered sucking on something that tasted like that.
The more desirable lines of lolly were two of three a penny.
Some were a penny each...like gobstoppers.
I haven't seen one of them for many a year, but as I noted earlier, I'm no longer a lingerer at the lolly counters.
So it has come to pass that the Pineapple Lump, a long-time staple, has now become a victim of not natural attrition, more a business move given that Cadbury shut the doors on the Dunedin factory they were being made at.
They're shifting sweet and chocky production to Australia, and if that means they'll continue to make this Kiwi-inspired item then we will be importing them.
Oh there's still the things called Pineapple Chunks which another company makes but the comparisons begin taking on Marmite vs Vegemite proportions.
As well as the lumps a couple of hundred jobs have also gone.
Another not-so-sweet sign of the times I guess.
Now then, where can I get some candy floss?