The Hits: To the board we go with smiley faces

The Hits host Adam Green.

If you looked back upon my Google search history, it would be an eclectic, erratic, haphazard collection of questions from the regular to the bizarre.

"How much did Nasa spend in 1982", "What meals can be made from celery, hummus, a chicken foot and marmite."

"How to quickly clean a red wine spill before anyone notices" and so on.

Lately, though, my fingers have taken to tapping out the big questions every father of an eight-year-old must face, like "How on earth do I get my child to operate a little more quickly."

For someone whose regular pace of speaking is roadrunner, the pace of doing anything that is actually required to leave the house, is sloth.

At least half an hour's worth of planning and 17 repetitions of the same question are needed for something as simple as "put your shoes on please".

Despite the fact the words "I'm hungry" spew forth like a broken record hour upon hour, a plate of food can be a truly testing journey in the patience of a human being.

I swear even the Dalai Lama would end up yelling "PLEASE, FOR ALL OF OUR SAKES, FINISH THE PLATE BEFORE I'M REINCARNATED."

One piece of potato is followed by a journey to the bedroom to check on a long-forgotten snail plus a quick bathroom break on the way back for a sliver of chicken.

And so with this in mind, we've started a smile chart.

Those familiar with the tick chart method will understand this easily.

A bit of paper, drawn up into boxes for the days of the week. If things can be done in even a somewhat timely manner with less than three asks per task, we get a smiley face!

If it's a little more difficult but still done, neutral face. And should the day go terribly, a frowny face is placed at day's end.

In 15 days' time, we have a count-up, and 10 or more smileys is $5 for the $2 shop to grab what will probably be some more slime to mash into my carpets and gaps between the wooden floorboards.

More than four sad faces? It's a sad day as the $5 makes its way right back into Dad's wallet.

Which, coincidentally, would be a smiley face on the Dad chart.

Maybe I need to start that, 10 smileys equals 50 bucks and off to the pub. Now that's a smiley-face day for sure!