The Hits: Replace swearing with your imagination

The Hits DJ Adam Green

OPINION

Swearing. It’s a funny thing, to have a word that causes offence and a minefield for parents to navigate.

On the one hand, you want to raise responsible people, who are able to engage in a variety of different social activities in a pleasant manner without causing offence.

On the other hand, when you smash your shin into the tow ball of the car after a long afternoon of juggling sports, dinner organising, vacuuming and a bit of rain you really, really want to utter a slightly naughty word.

I’ve got three daughters, and I have no doubt in my mind that all three know the full range of bad words, and I know this because I’ve asked them.

And I’ve heard them, when my eldest was 4 she’d spent 10 minutes building a tower of blocks, carefully stacking one brick upon another. When, as 4-year-olds have a tendency to do, her tiny flailing arms knocked it over, there was a word uttered that rhymes with hit.

I couldn’t blame her, a perfect scenario to use said word, if not a little early.

In our ever-evolving household we’ve searched for alternatives that may cause less offence. “Shivers” “schnikees” and “oh fart” have all made appearances. Sometimes, swear words become less offensive with time, so I’ve looked back over the years and found a few new ones we could bring back, without fear of a letter home from the teacher.

Annoyed by someone and need an appropriate insult to throw out? Try zounderkite. As in, “my sister was such a zounderkite today, she ate my last tictac.” (It means idiot, but doesn’t sound quite as hurtful does it!)

Want to exclaim something is frustrating in the style of an 1830′s American? Thunderation is the word you’re searching for. “What in thunderation is going on with this zounderkite?” you may ask.

Perhaps someone isn’t pulling their weight, maybe leaving the dishes that they’ve been meaning to do for the second day in a row? Well that, my friends, is the scobberlotcher of the household. The direct description being “one who never works hard”. We all know a scobby or two.

So next time you donk that shin, don’t reach for the tried and true, and spare the ears of those around you, try out “You absolute ZOUNDERKITE I’ve just reached the THUNDERATION STATION” for a change.