The Hits: Let's tweak our Christmas lyrics

The Hits DJs, Megan Banks and Adam Green. Photo / File

'Tis the season to be jolly. Or so they say in the traditional carols that will soon fill the speakers of the stores as we rush around last-minute trying to organise a scented candle for Mum.

I say we just make a few 2020 tweaks to the lyrics. Like "'Tis the season to be tired falalalala la la la la Kids over school and they are crying falalalala la la la la la Christmas bills they are a coming falalalala la la la la from the bank I will be running falalalalaaaa la la la la.'"

Or the new Christmas Classic, Jingle Bells, Covid Smells. "Jingle Bells, Covid Smells, Lockdown was a shock, now we have to wear a mask when on the plane we hop."

Sure, perhaps not quite as cheery as the usual Christmas fare, but it always felt weird to be singing about snow and the cold when it's 35 degrees and blue skies anyway!

We do, of course, need to keep up the measures we've been taking to be such a wonderful country with the freedoms that we have all enjoyed on our lovely little islands, which is why I suggest I'm Dreaming of a Clean Christmas.

"I'm dreaming, of a clean Christmas, so wash your hands before you go. With the sanitiser ready, and Covid tracer steady, and not a hint of Christmas snow."

Now we've all heard by now that Dr Ashley Bloomfield has turned down the chance to be NZ's favourite TV celebrity, so I figure the best way to acknowledge all his hard work is a rewording of the favourite song about Santa, Santa Baby, into Ashley Baby.

"Ashley Baby, you worked so hard to make us Covid-free this year, so come and pop yourself under our tree, Ashley Baby, hurry down the chimney tonight."

Okay, so maybe he could use the front door, perhaps a slightly undignified way for the director-general of health to be entering the Christmas lunch, as spectacular as that might be.

And lastly, we slightly change "It's the most wonderful time of the year" to "Thank goodness, we made it through this year."

No one knows exactly what 2021 has in store, but surely if we can manage this one, we can manage the next. I'll tell you one thing for sure though, even the upgraded Chrissy songs shouldn't show up until December! Happy shopping!

- Adam Green