Talking Point: Reach out to help prevent family violence

Julie Hart is the business manager of Family VIP Services. Photo / Supplied

Hawke's Bay has one of the highest rates of family violence in New Zealand - but you already knew that, because you're probably aware of someone who is involved.

Statistics tell us that every person in our region is likely to personally know a victim or a perpetrator of violence. They may be your sister, your friend, your niece, your work colleague, your neighbour, your brother, your father or your teammate. They are members of our community.

It's an interesting word, community. It provokes warm feelings and mental images of interlaced lives. Communities can do great things when they work together and unite in support of a common cause. And at Women's Refuge, we are increasingly reliant on our community to become part of the solution to the huge problem that is our violence statistics.

We need our community to be our eyes and ears. So, if someone you know is being hurt, or is hurting someone, we implore you to please, find a way to begin the conversation rather than being a silent bystander.

If you're aware a person is hitting someone, hurting someone, or being emotionally or verbally abusive, you may feel shocked or sickened. But begin by not judging or condemning.

If you're a man reaching out to another man who may have a violence problem, that's amazing. The best people to be having these conversations are men, who can show their peer how women and children should be valued, not victimised, and can hold him accountable for his actions.

Support him to understand there is a better and safer way forward - caring for those you love by being a good father and a great partner.

Be genuine in your desire to help. And if you're not the right person for this task, then support them to talk to someone who is. There are many services available in Hawke's Bay and, whenever possible, seek the support of a culturally appropriate service as this may give a better level of comfort to begin the conversation.

If a person you know is the victim of an abusive partner, have them call 0800 REFUGE, or 111 if it's an emergency.

Offer them your phone if you need to. We will wrap them up in care and support, and help empower them to make good decisions for themselves and their children.

It doesn't matter whether they're looking to end their relationship with an abusive person, or are wanting to remain in the relationship with an aim to live free from violence. We support them, either way.

Escaping family violence is particularly difficult for non-resident migrant women and their children.

Some are here with their husband, or as family members, some are on a work or study visa.

Being from a different culture can be tough enough in Aotearoa, but to experience family violence places extreme stress on a woman that is extremely hard to overcome. Sometimes those stresses, restrictions and cultural norms make it so hard that the woman and her children are forced, by circumstance, to return to their abuser even though it is unsafe to do so.

If they do not hold residency they may not be able to get any financial support or subsidies for medical care, and often there is no government assistance with housing. Women without their own income struggle to afford legal representation, and therefore court protection.

We do our best to support our migrant clients, but we are somewhat limited by our own financial resources. Their journey is not an easy one, but there is much we can do to help navigate the issues and assist families to live a life free from violence and abuse.

It's not just women and children who experience violence here in Hawke's Bay.

Recently, Hastings and Napier Women's Refuges merged to form Family Violence Intervention and Prevention Charitable Trust - or Family VIP Services: https://www.familyvip.org.nz/

Traditionally our client base were women, but as the years have passed we find more and more male victims reaching out for support.

Under the Family VIP umbrella, men can feel comfortable knowing we are a place that can provide them what they need, whether their abuser is male, female, or non-binary, their partner, a family member, or their caregiver.

Regardless of the who, we are here to offer support, advice, and advocacy. Our kaupapa; that we never tell someone what they should be doing. We listen while they tell us what they want to do, and then go about helping them achieve it.

Your kaupapa; having the conversation with those people in your community who are needing help. Please do it – don't stand by while our Hawke's Bay shame continues to grow.

Julie Hart is the Business Manager of Family VIP Services and has worked in Hawke's Bay, advocating for victims of Family Violence for 27 years.