Thomassen says that's why it is so important to start a conversation.
"All you have to do is pick the phone up and call us."
July is awareness month and the goal is to raise the profile of family violence by starting conversations.
"The more people that are educated around family violence the better. If you know what signs to look for or have an idea that something is not right with your sister, aunty, mother, sister-in-law, niece, friend, neighbour, starting a conversation could quite simply save their life ."
She says the last couple of years have been tough .
"During the first lockdown we didn't see a huge increase in women asking for help, mainly we think because people were told to stay home.
"However, when the narrative around that changed to 'if you fear for your safety - leave' there was an increase in women assessing our help.
"We had more calls asking for help. We were able to get people access to doctors and meet with them online. We also get a lot of calls asking advice about what the caller can do to help a member of their whanau.
"Again the best thing you can do is start talking to them, Ask some questions, give them the opportunity to talk."
She says the need for their safe houses has never been so great.
"The universe seems to look after us though. Just as a room becomes available, another family arrives. In saying that we have been known to clear out the lounge and sleep marae style for a night or two until we can source a bedroom."
She says it takes around three weeks for families to move on.
"This gives them time for their body and mind to heal. For them to rest. It's an emotional time and it takes a while for them to realise they don't have to be in fight or flight mode. They are free and safe.
"Then we help sort out their finances and find them somewhere to go. That has certainly got harder with the housing crises. Lots of women would have previously gone to whanau but now many of those families already have 15 people living in one house."
It's even harder for migrant women who have come to NZ on a visa, sponsored by their husband.
"They have no history which means no credit, no income and no family."
Thomassen says when it comes to abusers there's no one size fits all.
"I've seen women married to affluent men involved in the community who are abused. They do good for others but not for their family. The very ones they are supposed to love and care for.
"They are true narcissists. They make somebody's life complete hell and get satisfaction from it.
"So please if you need help call us. There's no judgement. You don't need to give your name. Just talk to us, That's a start."
Want to help?
Here's how. Host a morning tea, or lunch. Invite, friends, family, work team or your sport team. Ask those attending to make a donation or koha to Family VIP Services Women's Refuge, or your company makes a donation or koha on their behalf. A team member from Family VIP Services Women's Refuge will come along to Start a Conversation with you all.
If you are interested in hosting an event – please email enquiries@familyvip.org.nz with
your contact details and we will come back to you with the registration information or
phone Bronwyn Harman on 021 877 903
■ If you need help phone 0800 REFUGE (0800 733 843)
