In Casablanca, for example, cars will actually drive in the space between the marked lanes because of traffic congestion. Not to mention the scooters carrying three or more people or the donkey losing its load of carrots at the traffic lights.
For nearly two decades I drove in Sydney and I can tell you that I reached boiling point a few times and if that guy thinks he can just pull in there right in front of me and what's with you, mate? And don't you go honking at me, sunshine - I've been in this queue since before you were born and you can put those fingers back in your Kingswood! And you, big boy, have they got indicators on that model? And for crying out loud, what's SHE doing?
Sorry, memories got the better of me there. And that was without even including the year I spent driving taxis there. Then again, that wasn't so bad because the passengers were paying for the delays.
I vividly remember the week before we returned to live in provincial New Zealand. I was stuck fast in eight lanes of Sydney traffic. I wound down the window and said to the random bloke in the car next to me, "Next week, I won't have to do this anymore." Funnily enough, he didn't seem very interested. Might have been an immigrant from Mexico City.
Not that this sort of congestion lacks benefits. For example, it gives men a chance to shave and women a chance to apply or touch up their makeup. Reading the newspaper is another option.
You can even change a tyre without losing your place in the queue. This has the added advantage that, because your eyes are fixed on your tyre-changing work, you can't see the number of pedestrians who seem to be making it to work faster than you are.
Aucklanders probably believe they deserved a mention in this survey (think Harbour Bridge, Newmarket) but, on a global scale, they're small fry. Even that bottleneck spot around Mana, just north of Wellington, doesn't rate a mention on the world stage.
That doesn't even begin to compare with the 45 per cent of drivers in Moscow who report that they have spent three hours or more in traffic on a daily commute. In Nairobi, 35 per cent reported the same length delays.
In fact, comparatively speaking, New Zealand is a driving paradise. Well, except for a few big negatives: The low age at which you can gain a licence and that stupid give-way rule that is unique to this country.
Okay, AND the general confusion about indicating at roundabouts. And the number of trailers that aren't hooked into the car's electrics. Ooh, I nearly forgot another biggie, texting while driving.
But, those little irritants aside, we are a calm, placid nation of people with an extremely relaxed lifestyle and WHAT THE HELL DOES THAT CAR THINK IT'S DOING FOLLOWING RIGHT UP MY BACKSIDE?
Wyn Drabble is a teacher of English, a writer, public speaker and musician.
