My operatic work in progress: Wyn Drabble

Wyn Drabble says it would be an operatic first if he wrote an opera about David Seymour’s school lunches. Photo / NZME

Opinion

Wyn Drabble is a teacher of English, writer, public speaker and musician. He is based in Hawke’s Bay.

After seeing Festival Opera’s double bill at the Municipal Theatre, Napier, I believe I have it in me to write an opera myself.

I’m not saying that writing an opera is child’s play but I believe my keen eye has picked up enough pertinent details to pull it off. So keen am I that I already have the libretto pages numbered.

I don’t really want to write a dark and sombre one like Dido and Aeneas; I’m of the school of thought that Carthage – whether it be trading, classical affluence or sacking – has had its day as a topic. “Peace and I are strangers grown,” is not the sort of lyrical vibe I’m after.

That said, despite being a tragedy, Dido and Aeneas does have lighter moments such as when a sailor sings, “Take a boozy short leave of your nymphs on the shore and silence their mourning with vows of returning, though never intending to visit them more.”

Such lighter moments ease the burden of heaviness and counterbalance the weighty use of words such as despair, aching, torment which most characters seem to be lamenting. But the hand-on-forehead “oh woe is me” moments certainly wouldn’t help to popularise my oeuvre. Nor would the evil machinations of a sorceress and her witches.

So, because the lighter moments appeal to me, I will probably be influenced more by Gianni Schicchi with all its madcap mayhem set against a background of riotous colour. I’m a fan of madcap mayhem. I’m a fan of colour.

Suspension of disbelief will certainly be required – this is theatre, after all – but I will still base the story firmly on real events. I’m currently thinking it would be an operatic first if I wrote an opera about David Seymour’s school lunches.

Already I can hear in my head the chorus of school children, arms linked, singing, “Lunch is late, lunch is late, fa la la la la.”

And a small, separate sub-chorus singing, “Halal-friendly, no ham please.”

One of the things I love in opera is when three characters all sing different parts over the top of each other so a third separate chorus of government officials and catering staff would be singing, “Just buy them pies, just buy them pies.”

And there would have to be a scene involving the Seymour character eating in a restaurant. The chorus of schoolchildren would lustily be singing, “Woke, woke, woke, woke, woke, woke, woke, woke, woke.” Their chorus would end with, “Oh woe is woke!”

Yes, of course there will be a villain but it will be a comic villain. The audience will laugh lustily at his failings. On stage there will be outpourings of grief but they will be feigned and funny. I will name the villain R Mousey because I like anagrams.

I would pepper R Mousey’s lines with words like falafel, babaganoush, pinot gris and ciabatta. At times I would place the words very close together to create tongue twisters. And every time he uttered one of those words, the chorus would swing briefly into action in the background:”Woke, woke, woke …”

I would insist on the halftime catering being done by Woke Foods ‘r’ Us. And it should not arrive on time. When it does arrive it should be cold and taste horrid.

The opera would end with R Mousey driving a Land Rover on to the stage then turning to the audience and saying (this is artistic borrowing rather than stealing), “Grant me extenuating circumstances.”

I think I’m on to a winner here. I hope you will support me when it hits a theatre or opera house near you.

I recommend taking your own refreshments.