Mum's the word as doula embraces old skills to support new parents

The England family (from left) are Chester, Arabella, Violet and Tere.

Tere England knows only too well how precious having a baby is. She has supported many women during their pregnancies and births, all the while suffering numerous miscarriages herself.

Tere is a doula, derived from the Greek word meaning women's servant. Doulas have always been around, she says.

"They have come in the form of mothers, sisters, mothers-in-law, close friends or healers. They are people who know how to love, support, empathise and care for women during pregnancy, childbirth and as new mothers. Today, many mothers or daughters having babies still work, are geographically separated and some have strained relationships."

Tere believes many new parents don't have their whānau or village to help guide them through that transformational time.

"When you become a parent everything changes and it's a time when you need your people, but so many of us don't have anyone around," she says.

Tere has been a doula since supporting hāpu wāhine and their whānau in 2011 when a close friend found out she was pregnant.

"She was going to be a single parent, it was a no-brainer to step up and be as supportive as I could be for her."

Tere went along to her friend's antenatal appointments, helped decorate the nursery, went to the antenatal classes and was there at the labour, birth and throughout the postnatal period.

"I worked in another profession at this time and supported people when they asked me."

She had heard the word doula at her antenatal class but had no real understanding of what they actually did.

"I thought it was an alternative or similar to a midwife or LMC [lead maternity carer]."

During that time Tere was struggling with her own fertility issues, having experienced three miscarriages that year.

"I was assured that because we were 'still young', it shouldn't be an issue in the future. My now husband and I were very private about our losses and hoped that it was just bad luck."

During the next four years, the couple would experience four more losses and almost make it past the first trimester.

"It was devastating and isolating. I supported other women through their pregnancies and births, but didn't know if I'd ever get to be a mother myself."

Tere and her husband decided they would contact a fertility clinic once they were married to see what steps they could take to have a viable pregnancy.

"We walked in at 25 years old and were told we needed IVF and the waitlist was at that time 18-24 months. We decided to use our house deposit to pay for our first cycle which unfortunately resulted in another miscarriage at eight weeks and a failed second transfer."

With an empty savings account and nothing in their arms, they took a break from trying to conceive and carried on with life as best they could.

"It became very difficult to be around hāpu māmā and hearing baby announcements, so we needed a plan B. We didn't want to keep feeling resentful when people would share their beautiful news. Plan A was try one last time via IVF, throw everything at it and if that didn't work we could feel at peace that we did everything within our power. Plan B was sell our things, get visas and move to Alaska with our Pomeranians and be the 'cool aunt and uncle' that travel."

Thankfully plan A panned out and in 2017 the couple welcomed Arabella into their family. They have since added another daughter, Violet.

"In that moment of holding our daughter, it hit me how important I was to this little person. I felt unstoppable, yet vulnerable and exhausted — my heart was beaming. As a new māmā I wanted to prove that I was worthy. I didn't need to prove anything - being a parent is tough."

Tere remembers thinking how she had supported women before she became a mother.

"There were hot drinks, food, someone to empty the dishwasher or hold the baby while māmā took a shower, a hype person to say, 'you're doing amazing!', a person who knows to hug you because you're so sleep deprived. A couple I supported during the labour of their first child said, 'You should do this for a job, you enhanced our experience so much'. That's when I looked into training in this area."

Tere studied for a diploma in childbirth education and completed a number of certificates to complement her skills.

"Returning to study and doing very well in this area reinforced my passion that birthing people and their whānau really need support in this way if we want to reduce the grim maternal/general mental health issues in Aotearoa.

"When I see my clients and how well they are adapting to life as new parents my heart feels so full. I walk away feeling that I've helped them, that they feel confident in their choices and know they have people in their corner that they can lean on."

For some people having a doula may seem like an unnecessary expense, but Tere says often clients tell her how grateful they feel about their birth/postnatal experience and what they had by hiring a doula was more than they could have hoped for.

■ To check out more about Tere's work visit https://www.facebook.com/TheProjectNZ/videos/1173016756168309/

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