Annabelle Clarke battled her own demons and now wants to help others going through the same. Photo / Supplied
On some days, Annabelle Clarke's anxiety was so bad she "couldn't get out of bed."
"For two years I locked myself into my house, and would only go out with my husband and son," Clarke said.
"I was doing heavy drugs when I was 17 and did them for five years - cocaine, heroin, marijuana, whatever I could get my hands on. It was a coping mechanism."
She ended up in counselling after being sexually abused as a child.
"It [counselling] brought up a lot of emotions."
Years later, and now aged 48, she's proudly dealt to her many demons, due in part to a group centred around healing wāhine and tāne with mental health issues and illnesses.
She's a group leader of Kowhiria Te Ora [choose life], which was created by Napier-based John Robin to highlight the fact that mental health illness can impact anyone at any time.
Clarke, from Omakere, said the group helped her face her issues head on and by creating an environment of "it's okay to not be okay".
Robin was originally part of a group called Men's Medicine, initially based in Australia which helped men fight depression and suicidal thoughts, and was responsible for bringing the group to Hawke's Bay.
But he wanted to create an "all-inclusive" group that recognised NZ culture.
"It didn't really sit well with me that wāhine could not take part. We have now created a kaupapa around healing our whanau tāne and wāhine within our community," he said.
"With our suicide stats there is no better time to create a powerful kaupapa for our whanau here in Aotearoa, to remove the cost that prevents a lot of our whanau going to doctors or counsellors and have to wait six to seven weeks to be seen.
"We have an amazing support crew who have stayed strong with all the adversity that has been put in our way.
"With over 1400 whanau within our kaupapa in Aotearoa we are slowly creating the ripple effect to break the stigma around how we are to deal with our mental health."
Clarke, who is now drug free, wants to use her experience to help others going through the same thing.
"Six months ago I attempted to take my own life. Everything in my past was catching up to me, burdening me. I was in pain. That's when I ended up joining Kowhiria Te Ora.
"There's so much suicide out there, we want to help people reach out."
She became a group leader six months ago.
"My husband was part of the then called Men's Medicine and I watched him take part. He was a leader in the group.
"Robin asked me if I wanted to group leader of Kowhiria Te Ora, and I said yes. I grew from locking myself up, to getting out there, inspiring others."
As part of the group, she attended meditation seminars, learnt breathing techniques which helped her release negative, pent-up emotions, and she was also given journal work.
She has been unable to attend any hikoi, which are part of the programme the attendees undertake, because she suffers from fibromyalgia. It's a disorder characterised by widespread musculoskeletal pain accompanied by fatigue, sleep, memory and mood issues
"It's an amazing group, there's a variety of people who take part. As a leader, I have helped numerous people who are suicidal," she said.
"It's amazing to be able to help those who need it. And I am thankful to John [Robin] for creating it."
Robin said there were three wananga coming up which are a day immersive healing space allowing every individual to bring up "inter-generational trauma they have suppressed their whole lives to the surface".
"And allow them to deal with every issue that arises throughout the day within a safe and supportive space and where we all connect through culture to build a community."
The wananga are - wāhine wānanga June 19, tāne wānanga June 20, couples wānanga June 27.
Where to get help
LIFELINE: 0800 543 354 (0800 LIFELINE) or free text 4357 (HELP) (available 24/7) lifeline.org.nz/services/suicide-crisis-helpline.
YOUTHLINE: 0800 376 633
NEED TO TALK? Free call or text 1737 (available 24/7)
KIDSLINE: 0800 543 754 (available 24/7)
WHATSUP: 0800 942 8787 (1pm to 11pm)
DEPRESSION HELPLINE: 0800 111 757 or TEXT 4202