These days I can look at the Lotto numbers and know instantly that "they aren't my numbers".
I hate to think how much money I have spent over the years.
I don't bet on horses, except the Melbourne Cup, I've played on pokies maybe a dozen or so times, and I've never spent more than $10 at a time -- expensive for five minutes' entertainment.
I don't really know how to play them properly and I don't want to know.
Every week, after checking my losing tickets, I tell myself that's it.
No more.
But come Saturday, I just can't do it.
What if those numbers finally all come up?
At the beginning of every year I tell myself to open a bank account and put the same amount of money I spend on Lotto into it every week and any winnings into another account.
I've yet to do that, because I know damn well which account would have the most money in it at the end of the year.
I've won a couple of "big ones".
Just over $600 and several $20-$45 prizes, but so far this year not a brass razoo, ziltch, zero, nothing.
I don't count bonus tickets, because they never come to anything for me.
I'm sure everyone who buys a Lotto ticket dreams of how they would spend their winnings.
In fact, Mr Neat and I have actually argued over our dreamed fortune.
His idea would be to tell no one -- not a soul -- whereas I know that I'd be so excited I wouldn't be able to stop myself from blabbing to everyone.
Then, of course, how to spend said fortune.
Mr Neat: I'd buy a Harley and the latest ute.
Me: I'd travel the world.
Then there's the question about how much we would give to family.
Oh, the dilemma of it all.
The discussion carries on to buying property, furniture, clothes and diamonds (this is just me talking now).
We end up having a stupid little spat over something that's never likely to happen.
So what is the answer?
How do I break this habit?
Do I want to break it?
At least for a little while each week, I can dream of booking tickets to Paris.
Maybe the answer is to open that bank account and save up the good old-fashioned way, because my dreams are not free.
But Hawke's Bay seems to be on a winning streak at the moment.
The week before last, two people in Hawke's bay won half a million dollars each, and last Saturday a Napier woman won $250,000 on the winning wheel.
Perhaps I'll try my luck for just a bit longer.
Linda Hall is assistant editor at Hawke's Bay Today.