I instantly felt guilty and the more I thought about it the more I realised I had to stop doing it.
I'm lucky enough to have five grandchildren living in Hawke's Bay - four girls, aged 7 years, 6 years, 4 years and almost 3 months, and one grandson who is almost 5.
Whenever I see the older girls I almost always say, "Hello darling. You look so beautiful today."
I comment on their hair and their clothes. Not so when I see my grandson. My first question is usually, "What have you been up to today" or, "How was kindy?"
I never say, "You look handsome today", and unless he's got some strange creature on his T-shirt (which he sometimes does) I don't comment on his clothes.
Certainty when he was younger I would tell him he was cute but his appearance is not something he and I talk about.
There is whole lot more to my granddaughters than their looks.
They are all bright, clever and competitive and I'm so proud of them.
I do ask them about school, ballet, gymnastics and all the "stuff" they do but that usually comes later in the conversation.
When I think about it, that is the stuff that's so much more important.
I would hate for them to grow up thinking looks are what counts the most.
There's already so much pressure on young people to be perfect.
We need to teach them that what they see on social media is what people want them to see.
People only post perfect photos of themselves and their families. The glamour part of their lives, when they are all dressed up or out having fun or on holiday.
The rest of their lives are most likely just as ordinary as everyone else's. People don't post pictures on social media of bad hair days.
I don't remember either of my nanas telling me I was pretty. Maybe they did when I was too young to remember but somehow I doubt it.
I do remember my father's mother always telling me to pull my cardie up on to my shoulder, to stop slouching and to stand up straight. And if it looked as if I were going to cry she would ask me if I wanted her hanky.
I also vividly remember her teaching me and my cousins to walk on homemade stilts. It was a lot of fun.
So from now on I'll be asking the girls about their day and what they've been doing and plan to do.
I'm sure I'll still tell them they are beautiful, I won't be able to help myself, but it's not going to be the first thing out of my mouth and not every single time I see them.
That doesn't go for the baby, she has a few years' grace - I can still tell her she's cute every time I see her. It's a good way to get smiles.
* Linda Hall is Hawke's Bay Today's assistant editor
