Kim Davey: Sunshine better than negativity

Kim Davey

LET'S face it, all of us at some point have had to deal with things that have been said or done to hurt us.
Some people can be super cruel. And to be honest it doesn't necessarily stop as you get older. It is just part of life and the more "out there" you are the more it will occur.
Learning how to deal with negative feedback, learning how to put it in perspective and move forward in a positive way is a very useful skill to have.
There is a profound difference between negative feedback and constructive criticism. While constructive criticism is aimed at helping to improve the receivers outcomes and skills with their best interests at heart, negative feedback has no such good intentions and is merely a disagreement in thoughts, ideas and beliefs. Or a blatant personal attack hoping to break down and hurt the receiver.
You can't control the actions of others however you can always control your own. Unfortunately the world is not all sunshine and lollypops - I know right, I wish it was too but that is just not the case! However you can increase your sunny days by dealing with whatever life throws at you in the most optimistic and positive way.
I want to give you an example ...
Each week I receive a number of emails from parents and readers of my articles thanking me for writing uplifting and positive messages for young people. I am told they are discussed within families, in schools and photocopied to be distributed to friends and family who do not get the paper. This is exactly my intention for these articles! Yay! So happy to be able to help young people believe in themselves and pursue their dreams.
On the flip side, every now and then you get negative feedback from those who do not resonate with the message, including one text to the editor the other day, it read; "Can we please have a change from Kim Davey and her repetitive (and untrue) mantra of anything being possible if you believe in your dreams?"
Now the general first reaction is 'oh stink, they don't like the articles' but then you read it again and you discover why ... "untrue manta of anything being possible ... " and you realise they just don't get it. You see out there in the big wide world, you are never going to please everyone. There are too many limiting beliefs, naysayers and the like. Whenever anyone gives you negative feedback you need to first look to see if they are justified in making such feedback and if not, try to understand what would compel them to make such a statement.
In the above example it is obvious this person has had some hard knocks in life and no longer believes they actually can be, do and have everything they desire in life - and because of this they feel justified in spreading that negative message to others - that is such a shame.
It is always so important to realise that whenever someone gives you negative feedback it is due to what you have said or are doing that brings up "stuff" for them. When negativity comes your way it is usually not really about you, but them. They have the issue or problem, and it makes them feel better by trying to bring others down with them. It has worked this way for centuries and I am sure will continue for all those who choose to focus on the negatives in life instead of taking personal responsibility and focusing on the positives.
To say that anything is possible if you follow your dreams is untrue - is just baloney. As I am sure you all know - every day people are following their dreams and achieving amazing feats. Thomas Edison persisted and failed with over 1000 attempts before creating the world's first commercially practical incandescent light. The world is forever grateful.
Henry Ford spent years working on his dream to create an affordable car that everyone could afford. Walt Disney tried for years to become successful, being told by MGM studios that the idea of Mickey Mouse "would never work" and we all know the success of Walt Disney today.
So my advice to everyone who prefers to believe in the power of their dreams is ... Dream BIG! Dream Bigger than BIG. Take the biggest dream you have and quadruple it. Never let anyone's small thinking and limiting beliefs hold you back - that is their issue, not yours.
Sir Richard Branson sold a record company to buy an airline - if that is not dreaming big I do not know what is! If you want some inspiration read some of Branson's biographies - he is the King of thinking big and a testament to exactly what can be achieved when you put you mind to something and never give up.
Remember, negative feedback is part of life, but never allow it to let you lose sight of the bigger picture and what you are trying to achieve.
To all the young people out there, you are incredible, you are brilliant and you can create and achieve what ever you want in life. Do not let anyone stand in you life. If you can dream it, you can achieve it.
Be Real. Be True. Be You!
#Kim Davey is an international speaker, author and entrepreneur who lives between Hawke's Bay and LA and runs www.nzdancenetwork.co.nz and www.kimdaveylive.com