Inside a Hawke’s Bay Women’s Refuge safe house: ‘Felt safe for the first time in a long time’

A Women’s Refuge safe house is often the first port of call for abused women in Hawke’s Bay, and most arrive carrying nothing but the clothes on their back.

Hawke’s Bay Today reporter Mitchell Hageman tours this crucial but often misunderstood service and hears first-hand the incredible impact it can have on those who need it most.

WARNING: This article discusses domestic violence

The gratitude in Joyce Allen’s voice is clear as she stands inside the safe house bedroom Women’s Refuge offered her for six weeks.

It’s packed to the brim with piles of fresh sheets and children’s toys and her 2-year-old, Faith, immediately takes to the bed and clambers under the covers, cuddling a stuffed bunny.

Violence brought Allen to this unfamiliar place. She was scared and exhausted, carrying only small bags of clothes. She had no idea what lay ahead.

What she was greeted with, she said, changed her and her kid’s life.

“It was warm and felt homely. We felt safe for the first time in a long time,” she recalled.

Joyce Allen and Faith in their old room at the safehouse that changed their life. Photo / Paul Taylor

All she wanted was to shower and sleep and she was able to do that thanks to generously donated supplies of toiletries.

“They have everything you need, even for babies too,” Allen said.

Family VIP residential advocate Ashleigh Olsen said the safe house’s key goal is to support women and work alongside them.

“We want to make sure they are here because they want to be here. We’re here to meet whatever needs they have.”

Advocates receive a phone call during office hours or on their crisis line and, if the woman seeking refuge is comfortable, they are given directions to the safe house or picked up.

If police are involved, they bring the client to the safe house or meet them in well-lit public area to collect them.

“We take their basic information and the kids’ information as well. We let them know that toiletries, linen, and towels are waiting for them. We can also give them clothing if they need it and a bag of food,” Olsen said.

While advocates don’t stay in the house, they are a phone call away. Security cameras and gates are there as an extra layer of protection.

This isn’t a run-down shack in a shady area like you often see in the movies, though. A hostel-like setting provides everything women need to try to regain some sense of normality.

It has modern appliances and plenty of child-friendly spaces including a playground that made young Faith light up with joy.

“Everyone gets a shelf space and a key for their food, as well as fridge space, so they feel like they can have some peace of mind,” Olsen said.

“The spaces are big, so whether they have one or five kids or are solo, it suits everyone.”

Family VIP residential advocate Ashleigh Olsen in the safehouse kitchen. Photo / Paul Taylor

There are five bedrooms in the house to meet different family needs and a two-bedroom house nearby for bigger family groups.

Women can spend anywhere from one night to over a month, depending on their safety.

“We don’t want to push them out; we ensure their safety is a top priority.”

Olsen has been working as an advocate since May 2023 and said it was rewarding to see people like Allen find their way out of the darkness.

“You might meet someone for just a day, but take the hope that they know refuge is around.

“Whether it takes one or ten times to leave an abusive environment, they know they’re safe when this service is here.”

Joyce Allen said it was important for people to understand the amazing work done by Women's Refuge in Hawke's Bay. Photo / Paul Taylor

Naturally, it takes tremendous courage to share a personal story of leaving an abusive relationship, and Allen said she was sharing her story to help shine a light on the vital work Women’s Refuge does in their safehouses and the community.

“It feels comfortable and familiar here. That’s why I’m happy to help out. [Women’s Refuge] has done so much for me,” she said.

“I’m still friends with many of the ladies I met here; we still catch up to this day. They’re now thriving, and so am I.”

Faith, still holding on tightly to the stuffed bunny, lets out a hearty laugh as we head towards the playground near the back of the safe house.

Hope is well and truly alive in these walls.

Hawke’s Bay Today is partnering with Women’s Refuge in Hawke’s Bay to help it build a new public office to move the organisation out of the shadows and into the spotlight.

How to donate:

QR code - Train your phone camera on the graphic above

Website - Familyvip.org.nz

Bank account - 06 0701 0562989 03; please use the reference “HBToday”

Email contact - fundraising@familyvip.org.nz

Phone – Bronwyn Harman on 021 877 903

Do you need help?

If you’re in danger now:

• Phone the police via 111 or ask neighbours or friends to ring for you.
• Run outside and head for where there are other people.
• Scream for help so that your neighbours can hear you.
• Take the children with you.
• Don’t stop to get anything else.
• If you are being abused, remember it’s not your fault. Violence is never okay.
• Women’s Refuge: A free national crisis line operates 24/7 - 0800 Refuge or 0800 733 843. Website: womensrefuge.org.nz.

Mitchell Hageman joined Hawke’s Bay Today in January 2023. From his Napier base, he writes regularly on social issues, arts and culture, and the community. He has a particular love for stories about ordinary people doing extraordinary things.