Impostor syndrome: Making us our own worst critics

I write because it makes me feel good.

OPINION

Recently, I had the pleasure of meeting a new author in my travels. I would like to think we bonded over writing because we seemed to have a lot in common.

There was something she said that really resonated with me. It’s the idea that we can be very critical of our own work.

I wouldn’t like to suggest that this is a phenomenon that is exclusive to women, but I do hear it from more women than men.

I’ve been writing since I was in my teens. Like the author I met, I chose the path of self-publishing when I decided to publish my first novel.

That was nearly 10 years ago. I had advice from a couple of fellow writers who felt it gave them more creative control.

There is that, but there is also the fact I really didn’t trust myself or my writing skills, despite having worked on those skills, either through journalism or through writing other projects. And yes, I did go down the road of writing fanfiction. I’m a nerd and not ashamed to admit it.

So when it came time for me to consider sending my work off to a publisher, I wimped out.

But there’s also another reason, and it’s often referred to as impostor syndrome.

What is impostor syndrome?

A quick look on Wikipedia and we get this definition: “A psychological occurrence in which people doubt their skills, talents or accomplishments and have a persistent internalised fear of being exposed as frauds”.

I was watching a video in which a woman discussed this very thing and she basically said it isn’t real. I don’t want to generalise, but I’ve yet to see evidence to suggest that men, or at least more than a small minority, go through the same thing.

There’s an interesting article on it here: https://hbr.org/2021/02/stop-telling-women-they-have-imposter-syndrome.

It talks about bias, essentially — around ethnicity, class, gender and so on.

I admit I agree with a lot of what was said. New Zealand is a bit more progressive when it comes to issues of gender bias. It’s far from perfect, but I’ve yet to see examples of the gender bias that I’ve read about from writers in other countries in online forums. I’ve seen some, but not as bad.

Prejudice in other areas? I think we still have some work to do there.

Do I still doubt myself and my ability to write? Yes. And that does mean that sometimes I need reassurance that I’m doing okay. I care about my work and I care about doing the best I can for my community. I don’t doubt my skill to write a good article, because I know my passion for the work comes through. When it comes to my personal stuff, I’m still pretty much on the fence.

But I keep trying to make a go of it because we all need something that makes us feel good about ourselves.

Leanne Warr became editor of the Bush Telegraph in June 2023 and has been a journalist on and off since 1996 when she joined the Levin Chronicle, before moving on to other publications. She rejoined NZME in June 2021.