I’m never making lamingtons again - Wyn Drabble

Wyn Drabble tries his hand at making lamingtons. Photo / Wyn Drabble

Wyn Drabble is a teacher of English, writer, public speaker and musician. He is based in Hawke’s Bay.

OPINION

They say that there’s a first time for everything so, vintage as I am, I decided to be daring and try something I had never done before. It was as part of Mrs D’s birthday celebration; she would go to a movie with a group of lady friends then they would come back to a high tea prepared by … moi.

I would make – no, craft is a better word – little sandwiches with the crusts removed and make (and buy) some sweet little fancies that I know Mrs D fancies. I even managed to borrow two of those three-tiered stands so that my offerings could rise skyward.

My first-time venture was to make lamingtons. Not big butch ones but smallish, dainty ones and I would use long-thread coconut to make them look … well … hairy.

For the first part, the sponge, I used my own recipe which I’m willing to share with you. In a medium supermarket, locate a pre-baked, packaged, slab sponge. Stir in the sifted dry ingredients and proceed briskly through checkout.

For the coating, I used a recipe from the ever-reliable Australian Women’s Weekly and would like to establish here and now that they are not in any way responsible for the events which followed.

I sifted icing sugar and cocoa into a bowl and stirred in milk and a knob of butter. I then stirred it over a pan of simmering water until it was smooth and of a dipping consistency. Child’s play.

I then spread the coconut out in a flatter bowl. Things were going very smoothly.

Two pairs of tongs were at the ready, one for dipping my little cubes of sponge into the chocolate icing and one for rolling them in the coconut. A wire cake rack stood nearby ready to receive my finished oeuvres.

Wyn Drabble.

Well, talk about Gabrielle! This operation was more difficult than the novice might imagine. The kitchen soon became a cyclone with coconut and cocoa.

Pick up a cube of sponge with tongs (a) and dip it into the chocolate, turning to coat completely. Lift out so any excess chocolate can drip back into the bowl.

Now transfer the dark brown cube to the coconut. Here, two things will happen: more globs of brown will fall into the coconut and form hedgehog-like clumps. This will annoy you so you will forget to keep your grip on tongs (a) and they will spring open flicking chocolate lava across a vast area of the kitchen and across the dog’s neck.

Now use tongs (b) to roll the brown cube in the coconut to coat it evenly. Steer clear of the hedgehog.

Repeat this process many times until all the cubes have been used, the kitchen is decorated with brown streaks, and the coconut bowl is full of hedgehogs.

To console yourself at this stage, you could do as I did and eat one of the hedgehogs.

When you come to shift the wire rack you will find that some more serious drippage has occurred and the kitchen bench is dotted with brown, some of the dots tastefully punctuated with a thread of coconut at a rakish angle. Simply move the whole operation to another kitchen.

My saving grace was that I did this while they were all at the movie and that the movie was two and a half hours long. I had time to clean up the coconut and cocoa Gabrielle kitchen so that, by the time they all returned, there was not a trace of damage (though I did later find some threads of coconut in a pot plant).

One thing is for certain: I will never ever make lamingtons again.