Hits DJ Adam Green mulls over being a married man

The Hits DJ's, Adam Green and Megan Banks at NZME radio studio, Napier. Photograph by Warren Buckland.

One of the things you hear all the time when you 'put a ring on it' is that there is no handbook for marriage.

"Good luck, you'll need it haha there's no handbook for this" say your already married friends joyfully, their slightly pained laughs the only hint that perhaps this thing will take some work.

Well, I ask? Why not. As a man, who is married, and has done it for a while, here are some handy headers to start a few chapters for an author looking for their next hit.

Home improvement will cause long term improvement on the back of short-term pain. No matter your living situation, renting, owning, tenting, campervaning or other, any job that makes your living quarters better and needs to be done with your betrothed will cause an argument. Want to hang a picture but it's too big to do yourself? You both have entirely different ways of doing this job.

"But isn't it just putting a picture hook in and putting it up?" No. No, it's not. It's a 17-step process that requires a planning meeting and a debrief.

Dining out will never be the same. Remember those lazy, hazy dating days, where you would meet and eat without a care in the world? Gone. Be prepared for "oh I don't mind, wherever you want to go" followed quickly by "Not there. No, I don't feel like Mexican, not there either, no we went THERE last time, too expensive, too cheap, too hot, too cold, let's stay home."

Have you enjoyed watching TV together in the past? The ring will change that. When you want action, the other half wants drama. Do you feel like a drama? They, a documentary. You feel like a binge, they want to go out for dinner. But not there.

Kitset furniture is a one-person job. Always. Preferably all alone from beginning to end, but one person no exceptions.

You are now both each other's driving instructor. Prepare a list of criticisms such as "Goodness that was a very fast corner", "Pretty sure that light was orange", "Well the brakes are obviously working". And the classic, "Oh are the indicators broken?" Bonus points for "There was a park at least three times as close as this".

So now that I've started, I'm wondering if perhaps this handbook will end up much too long for anyone to read, let's just lock in a number one tip. Laugh lots. You'll need it!