Instead, she and Women’s Refuge are flat out at the busiest time of the year for violence and abuse.
Humphries explained family violence gets significantly worse around Christmas and New Year because of alcohol, added financial pressures and methamphetamine use.
Mental health issues can be heightened too, and, in Hastings, Humphries also points to homelessness and the number of people living in emergency housing as a factor.
“We’re seeing a lot of family harm between people living together in their vehicle, and we also have situations where people live in tents on their family’s properties,” she said.
The family violence survivor said, “Christmas can be difficult for many; the stresses of life in general, the rising cost of living, unemployment, homelessness, mental health and addictions are compounded at this time of year.”
All Humphries wants is for people to be aware that Christmas can cause more issues than cheer for some people and people can take opportunities to share what they have with others over the holiday season.
Whether it’s by donating to a Women’s Refuge, giving your car park ticket with time left on it to someone waiting to park at the hospital, or giving drivers a wave of thanks as you cross the pedestrian crossing.
“Doing a random act of kindness for a total stranger and other small things that can make a difference to someone who may be struggling at this time of year,” she said.
Humphries sees a lot of very young couples who, at 25 years old, may have been together for 10 years already.
“These young people simply do not have the life skills or tools to effectively manage the challenges that arise in relationships, and that’s when violence enters the partnership,” she said.
Humphries has experienced the abuse that comes from forming that relationship at such a young age.
Eventually, she escaped it at 33 with help from Women’s Refuge.
Humphries was sheltered at a Women’s Refuge safe house in Hamilton along with her two sons and a friend of one of her sons and credits this as the opportunity to start a new life.
“They [the refuge] helped me learn about power and control and understand what I’d actually been going through.”
Women’s Refuge gave the mum the support to step out of a dark place and helped her move from a victim to a survivor.
She became “a survivor that thrived” and is now helping others.
“They wrap everything they can around you to build you up and set you on that path,” she said.
Humphries went on to become a police officer and, in 2012, was posted to East Timor, where she met her new husband, who was on duty with the NZ Army.
Now she is passionate about reducing family violence harm and wants to “pay it forward” to Women’s Refuge for the role they played in transforming her life.
“If you are experiencing family violence and are open to engagement with support services, let attending police staff know some services are still operating over Christmas including refuge. Te Kura will collectively coordinate someone to reach out, to connect and offer support.”
The biggest way to help someone you know in a violent relationship is to reach out for help before it escalates and if there are any fears for safety, call police on 111, explained Humphries.
Hawke’s Bay contacts for Domestic Violence support:
Family VIP Services Hawke’s Bay: 0800 REFUGE (733 843)
Te Whare Whanau Purotu Maori Women’s Refuge: 0800 REFUGE (733 843)
Women’s Refuge: Free national crisis line operates 24/7 - 0800 refuge or 0800 733 843 www.womensrefuge.org.nz
