"Men do want to talk, we hear time and time again they don't and keep everything to themselves, which can be the case if they don't feel anyone wants to listen. This is why we created the Blokes Book to help start the conversation with a mate or family member, that may be struggling.
"Just starting that conversation can be all that is needed and really shows you care."
Five tips that can start the conversation
● Make an observation — "Hey, I noticed you seem a little more tired lately than usual. Is everything okay?" Unlike physical health challenges, mental health challenges aren't always immediately obvious. While you might not always know exactly what's going on with someone, changes in mood or behaviour are generally good indicators of an underlying problem.
● Share your experience
One of the biggest barriers men face when seeking help for their mental health is isolation and the fear of being singled out or different. For many men who grow up in a culture of toxic masculinity, vulnerability is viewed as a sign of weakness. You can help to dismantle these stereotypes about "toughness" by sharing your own mental health experiences or tips on how you manage through your day.
● Walk and talk — "You look like you could use some fresh air. Do you want to go for a walk? Talking about mental health can be difficult and awkward but to have a productive conversation, you want to make the experience as comfortable and non-threatening as possible. Walking is a wonderful activity that has been proven to relieve or lessen stress, improve a person's thinking and decrease symptoms of depression and anxiety.
● Acknowledge difficult situations
You might not always know what's going on with someone, but there will be times when you're aware of particularly difficult situations. By directly addressing the issue, you open up the door to a conversation that the other person might have felt awkward or embarrassed about bringing up first. You can also leave it open-ended and let them know that you'll be there to listen to them and talk whenever they're ready.
● Ask twice — "No, really, how are you? I care about you." If you get brushed off with responses like "I'm fine" or "I'm okay" when you try to broach the subject of mental health, be sure to ask twice and show that you really are interested. An effective strategy is to make sure you ask them the question a second time. Research has found that when asked, 78 per cent of people say that they're fine even if they're struggling with a mental health problem. Concerns like doubting whether people really want to hear the honest answer and not wanting to burden others were cited as the main reasons people avoided these conversations. However, that second ask might be the opening someone has been waiting for to finally talk about it.
■ Head to Dads HQ social media pages to nominate your workplace for a coffee shout during Men's Health week or for copies of the Blokes Book.
WHERE TO GET HELP
If you are worried about your or someone else's mental health, the best place to get help is your GP or local mental health provider. However, if you or someone else is in danger or endangering others, call police immediately on 111.
Or if you need to talk to someone else:
Lifeline: 0800 543 354 or 09 5222 999 within Auckland (available 24/7)
Suicide Crisis Helpline: 0508 828 865 (0508 TAUTOKO) (available 24/7)
Youthline: 0800 376 633, free text 234 or email talk@youthline.co.nz or online chat.
Need to Talk? Free call or text 1737 (available 24/7)
Kidsline: 0800 543 754 (available 24/7)
Whatsup: 0800 942 8787 (1pm to 11pm)
Depression Helpline: 0800 111 757
Samaritans: 0800 726 666.
