Eva Bradley: Stop rushing and go calmly to the lifeboat

Eva Bradley

IT IS 12.25pm on a weekday and I am in bed. I am not sick (at least not physically) and I got plenty of sleep last night. I have a to-do list professional and personal that is as long and dog-eared as the Dead Sea Scrolls.

So what the hell am I doing?

What I am doing is calling time. The engine has spluttered to a standstill, I have run out of puff and, basically, I'm under the weather. If there's another idiom to describe feeling utterly burned out (OK, there it is), then that is me.

Today I am having what some call a "mental-health day". Some might say I'm just slacking off. The guilt that comes from doing nothing when you should be doing several things at once has been relentless since I found myself in the challenging position of becoming a working mum almost a year ago.

Born with a competitive and perfectionist temperament, I am never satisfied unless I'm among the best at whatever I choose to do, and for the first time in life that simply isn't possible.

To be a great small business owner and photographer, I inevitably become a not-so-great mum. The same applies in reverse. The net result is that for 11 months I have been feeling like a failure at two of the most important things in my life, instead of being a success in one.

It also means I have finally waved the white flag, which in real terms means calling out for Mummy, as I did when I was 5 years old, handing over the baby for a day and retreating under the duvet.

Now I've had a morning nap, slowed life down for a few hours and put myself at the centre of my universe again, perspective is rolling in like a king tide.

The first revelation is that I shouldn't feel selfish for needing time for me. The second is that it's OK to admit I'm not Super Mum, and I'm not Donald Trump either. This doesn't make me a failure, it just makes me human (and one without hair plugs).

The hardest thing to learn (and one I probably won't nail on this one day out from real life) is that it's OK to be average. In fact when you are a working mum, being average is quite a spectacular achievement.

Once upon a lovely time, women stayed at home and raised the children well and cooked fabulous meals.

Then along came shoulder pads and power suits, and women proved they could dominate in the workforce, although the fight for equality continues.

We should be in a golden age when women can choose to do whatever they like - at home or at work. Instead, most of us are doing both.

It's why we have what nutritionist Libby Weaver calls "rushing woman's syndrome".

A vast swathe of health implications (and a fair amount of hiding under the duvet) have been attributed to the fact that women are now seriously over-committed, and paying the price with their mental and physical health. Unfortunately there isn't an easy solution to this problem, given that it so often takes two incomes to fund family life in the 21st century.

But if you are one of these rushing women, perhaps it's time to look around for a lifeboat. Forget what can or should be done and float away from real life for a few hours. You might just find it's the best way to stay afloat in the long term.

-Eva Bradley is a

columnist and photographer.