Witnessing the birth of your own child is probably one of the most special things a father can experience.
You instantly feel a bond with the child and all you want to do is love and protect that small person. The main reason is because you know that baby is your flesh and blood.
A man entering a relationship with a woman who already has children doesn't have that bond and those fatherly instincts need to be developed. Some men simply don't have the temperament, maturity or intellectual ability to do so.
In the past two weeks we have seen two horrific cases at the High Court in Napier where "stepfathers" have been found to be responsible for the death of children of their partners. Last Friday there was the particularly distasteful case of Kerry Charles Ratana, who was sentenced to sixteen-and-a-half years for the sexual violation and manslaughter of 5-year-old Sahara Baker-Koro - the daughter of his then partner Chantally Baker. Sentencing judge Justice Denis Clifford called the crimes an "awful horror of events" and said Ratana was "fortunate not to be charged with murder".
Yesterday was the turn of 23-year-old Trent Owen Ngaruhe Hapuku, who was found guilty by a jury of the manslaughter of 5-month-old Mikara Ranui Darius Reti - the son of his girlfriend Jamie Reti. He was remanded in custody for sentence on June 11. He had denied doing anything to cause the death of the baby, who had been in his care in a sleepout at Ms Reti's parents' Flaxmere home. The Crown contended only Hapuku could have been responsible for the "blunt force trauma" which it said led to the splitting of the child's liver and severe internal bleeding which caused the death. The court heard that Hapuku had been playing a PlayStation game.
It is a fairly safe bet that the mothers of these two children probably regret having had anything to do with Ratana and Hapuku respectively. Clearly both men should not have been allowed anywhere near children.
They were placed in positions of trust and both men abused that trust and committed criminal acts.
To take care of children should be a privilege and an honour, but no one ever said raising children was easy. Sometimes small children can be annoying and sometimes adults do get angry, but that is where adults should remember that they are the mature ones in the relationship.
Both these cases will have horrified the Hawke's Bay community and hopefully it will have made some mothers think more carefully about the type of men they choose to be around their children. Even if only a few mothers learn from these cases and kick out their deadbeat boyfriends before it is too late, at least some children will be saved.
Mothers, protect your children.