Comedian urges honesty with kids

Mike King brought a funny side to the serious business of parenting in Napier last night. Photo / Glenn Taylor

Comedian Mike King gave a humorous but insightful perspective on raising children to more than 130 people in Napier last night.

As part of the third year of the Keep it Real Youth Expo, which aims to support positive youth decision-making, King visited the Napier War Memorial Conference Centre after giving a similar talk at the Havelock North Community Centre the previous night.

He discussed the issues of parents not being honest with themselves and when recalling a personal story about his relationship with his counsellor, talked about how fathers would display anger as a sign of depression, while also hiding behind substance abuse.

"Your head is a boiling cesspool of crap and you've put a lid on it, and that lid is called drugs and alcohol ... It explodes. Your family and your friends and anyone who is near get burned, and it leaves a foul smell for weeks, and then you put the lid back on."

He encouraged parents to talk with their kids, and open up emotionally, otherwise "the only role-modelling you are giving them is to keep secrets, don't talk".

He said parents should praise their children and spend time with them in their moments of success, no matter how seemingly insignificant.

"If you wouldn't come to [them] in [their] moment of triumph, why would they ever bother coming to you when something is wrong?"

Having dealt with alcohol and drug addiction in his past, King said one of the most common addictions with working-class parents was work. "Addictions are the relentless pursuit of temporary happiness. One of the most common addictions in men is work. They throw themselves at work so they don't have to deal with the problems back home.

"The reason I was such a dysfunctional father and husband was all I wanted was a father to say, 'Hey, that's my boy and I'm proud'. And I thought if my dad didn't love me I'd try to get the whole world to love me, which we now know is fraught with disaster."

Flaxmere musician and rapper Tipene Harmer later spoke of his childhood and how his father rarely spent time with him.

"Kids don't want these material things. It's not what they want. They just want your time," he said.

Napier Mayor Bill Dalton also talked about how too often "kids become weapons in a war" between split parents and the need for peaceful role models.