Wins over Waipukurau, Onga-Tiko and Sherwood have come from tight fielding performances, mainly due to a “no pies before play” policy being enforced.
Stand-Out Player: Hamish Adam. The newly appointed captain has led by example with his explosive batting and tight bowling that earned him a brand ambassador contract with Advanced Hair, reported to be worth six figures or unlimited store credit.
Wallingford Cricket Club results: WWW
After earning the label “tin asses” for making the final last year, Wallingford CC have proven they aren’t just running on luck, having convincing wins against Argyll, Waipukurau and Sherwood all away from home.
When asked how they feel about being the only team without a home ground, specialist wide bouncer bowler Joe Murphy said “being in a perpetual state of ‘on tour’ just means the party never stops”.
Stand-Out Player: Robbie Smith. Mostly known for being the “big boss” of competition major sponsor Stevenson & Taylor, Robbie forced his way into the team by threatening to pull funding and demanding he open the batting and bowling for Wallingford.
This worked in the team’s favour as runs and wickets flowed in his short but effective cameos.
Sherwood Cricket Club results: LLWL
This season hasn’t been good for the SCC, doing what is now referred to as “an England”.
The 2022-23 season champions haven’t been able to find the spark of last summer even with some good individual performances.
Criticism from Sherwood fans has been directed at club president Ed White, whose recent change of the “drop a catch, sink a Purple Goanna” rule increased it from one bottle to two. When asked for comment, White stipulated that the sports drink should only reduce hydration, not increase it.
Stand-Out Player: Sam Pringle. Stands out in the competition not just for his aggressive batting and bowling but also for the fact he is the only player to wear a helmet. This usually wouldn’t be an unusual practice while batting but his use of a helmet while bowling is a rare sight indeed and has caught on with fans, now becoming the latest trend for lunchtime cricket at Sherwood Primary School.
Waipukurau results: LL
New to the competition and transferring from the Hawke’s Bay 3rd grade comp, Waipukurau haven’t quite reached their potential, considering youth is on their side.
With the average age of the side being 28, they were expected to be running literal rings around the opposition but, like all young rockstars, the temptation of booze and cigarettes has handicapped their performances to the point where smoko breaks are required after every wicket.
Stand-Out Player: Kurt Walker. The owner/operator of KW Fencing has had an impressive first two games with the bat, high scoring for his team in both and proving very hard to get out. Although complaints have been lodged to the competition organisers about Walker’s tactic of using a post rammer around the stumps, making them unbreakable, he was cleared of breaking any laws or wrongdoings.
Onga-Tiko Cricket Club results: WL
With an excellent first-round win over Sherwood and then a narrow loss to Waipawa, Onga-Tiko have had their most promising start to date. Spending big money on their new playing kit and imported players has boosted the club’s performances tenfold.
Sources indicate that the money may be coming from the honesty box at the Onga Golf Club.
Stand-Out Player: Andrew Clayton. Flown in from Maraekakaho every game, big-hitting opening batsman Clayton has the highest average in the competition and, to quote teammate Ed Wilson, “he’s been worth every cent”.
If Onga-Tiko can keep the cash flowing, “Moneyball” Clayton may take them to the finals.
Argyll Cricket Club results: LL
Being the other new club to join the S&T Cup, the “Argyll Angels” have had a hellish start to their season. Hard losses to Wallingford and Sherwood have had such an impact that their home ground curator was ordered to make the wicket a “rank turner” to capitalise on their spin-heavy bowling attack and cover up their lack of pace.
They will be the team to watch with all three of their remaining games to be played at their home ground.
Stand-Out Player: Brian Robinson. While he stands out for his classically styled batting it’s his after-match reports that have really made Robinson come to the public’s attention. Argyll CC’s Facebook page has beautifully crafted novel-like reports on the ebbs and flows of their games, making it feel like you were not only there but like you had been wielding the bat or holding the ball yourself.
Unfortunately, after a quick Google search, it was found that 90 per cent was plagiarised from the 2005 Ashes series reports for the Daily Mail.
For the next scheduled games, check out the Facebook pages for Argyll Cricket Club, Sherwood Cricket Club, Waipawa Cricket and CHB Cricket regularly.
