Presiding over who gets what from where allocated to them are our regional and unitary councils, elected to administer resources on "everyone's" behalf.
Except they don't, really, do they? Well, they may "administer" it, but most do a pretty poor job of looking after it - "protecting and enhancing" in the words of the Resource Management Act - and their decisions are selective and arguably biased.
However, if, as prevailing legal thought holds, councils have no power to levy any form of charge on the water itself (regardless of volume or end use), then this situation is not their fault.
That lies firmly with central Government, who steadfastly refuse to step out from behind the mythic "no owner" shield - in part because they're scared of the implications when it comes to tangata whenua.
So scared they're busy instituting "co-management" models with iwi for lakes and rivers country-wide. Placatory models designed ostensibly to safeguard the environment - but not to take power over who gets what, because that would be dividing the public commons for one group's benefit.
So they keep it as it is: a model that disenfranchises everyone - except those able to gain a consent and spin a dollar from exploiting it.
Because, as soon as it's allocated, water magically gains monetary value. Anyone owning a water-take consent can on-sell the rights to any third party, without restraint. Which begs the question: if at allocation it suddenly has value, why can the Government not then charge a royalty? They do with oil.
Don't even start me on the ludicrous Ashburton saga, where pure aquifer water is given away free while ratepayers must pay to recharge said stressed aquifer with polluted groundwater. Everyone except the water thieves loses.
The only surprise is the rich taking so long to latch on to this. I guess the bottled-water craze - a fad given impetus by chronic shortages in many countries - is reason for the spike in investment.
Sure, it costs millions to set up a bottling plant and export business; but, when your base material is gratis, the upside's rather lucrative.
Do we mind? Hell, yes. Bad enough our water goes off to China or Finland instead of satisfying increasing demand here. To not charge even a cent for it, on the legal technicality of it having no owner in the first place, beggars belief.
Surely we, the public entity, own our water at source. It's about time we stopped it being stolen, decided what it's really worth - and charged like wounded bulls.
That would be entirely fair.
- Bruce Bisset is a freelance writer and poet.