Bruce Bisset: How to not win an election

Bruce Bisset

If it were the Opposition's role to make Government look good by default, even when it's acting atrociously, then judging by this week's combination of sycophantic, puerile, and inept offerings they're doing a splendid job of ensuring National a fourth term.

First the Maori Party managed to retrieve an important titbit from the jaws of what is otherwise overwhelming defeat simply by standing their ground, for once.

True, they're part of government, complete with ministerial roles, but they like to pretend to some independence - though it's a minor miracle to see them demonstrating any.

Still, removing clauses from the RMA reform bill that would have given ministers of the Crown the ability to over-ride the democracy of local councils to declare their regions GM-Free is particularly good news for Hawke's Bay, which has adopted that status.

It's a pity a slew of other such changes taking governance away from local communities and centralising it in ministerial hands weren't also scuppered.

Especially when the "reward" for otherwise supporting the continued gutting of our environmental protection laws - the nominal ability for iwi to initiate regional projects, rather than simply have input into them - is a Clayton's gain.

See, anyone sitting on a committee can start anything, so long as they achieve the necessary support of their fellows. Whereas without said support, even the brightest idea falls into the void where failed motions go.

And iwi are already at the resource management table.

So what did they really gain? A few political points to make them look good despite their suck-up support for the bill. Well, thanks; but also, no thanks.

Then, coincidentally following on from last week's concerns, the Greens' release of their first two campaign videos together with their "Great Greens" slogan almost made me gag.

The sight of James Shaw and Metiria Turei preening in their tailored business suits while singing each other's corporate praises left me thinking I'd stumbled into a Young Nats alt-reality.

Apparently the target audience is, again, the under-35's; why has no one told them around 60 per cent of that bracket don't vote? Certainly the 8 to 12-year-olds to whom this tweenie garbage might appeal can't vote.

On top of which, having a raft of "names" singing New Zealand's praises is the sort of aspirational feel-good campaign a rotten government like National's might run. For the Greens to do it for them beggars belief.

It's not as if we lack major social issues or looming environmental crises or examples of incompetence with which to pillory National.

And if their secondary target is the urban swing-voter, that's Labour's target too. Compete with your partner and lose both feet.

To top it all off, our would-be next prime minister, Andrew Little, makes a complete hash of defending a defamation case against him by, first, failing to settle out of court when that option appeared open, then admitting he was wrong and apologising as soon as he's in the dock.

And he's such a nice guy he declined to waste public money paying for his defence - something any right-winger would rush to do - and could be bankrupted as a result, should he lose.

Andrew, nice guys are great, and being blunt is refreshing; but smearing someone outside Parliament on the basis of what something "looks like", without real evidence, is political suicide 101. Especially for an aspiring PM.

Teflon John could do it, but he was a much slicker, and nastier, animal.

Somewhere Winston Peters is quietly waiting, preparing his charge. It's starting to look like my New Year's prediction of Winnie as PM is an even bet.