Bruce Bisset: Anzac PMs - better we forget them

Bruce Bisset says the two Antipodean Prime Ministers have racked up a startling string of gaffes, flubbers, indiscretions and just plain ignorant utterances. Photo / NZME.

A century on from the original Anzac landings at Gallipoli, the heroic young men who gave their lives to that ignominious campaign must be spinning in their graves at how the modern leaders of their countries foolishly parade themselves.

The Abbott and Key show is not so much slapstick and parody as stupidity and farce, and the only ones amused are those who think Australasia is best regarded as a laughing-stock.

Bad enough Tony Abbott thinks levelling remote communities will in any way help Aboriginals "fit in" with modern white Australia; he is after all just reflecting an inherent racism his countrymen are the only ones unable to recognise.

Similarly John Key's stooping to pre-pubescent schoolyard antics involving little girl's ponytails reflects a misogynist "humour" the average Kiwi male probably still regards as somehow acceptable.

Together, the two Antipodean Prime Ministers have racked up a startling string of gaffes, flubbers, indiscretions and just plain ignorant utterances that make you wonder whether they're the real-life inspiration for the Dumb and Dumber movies. Indeed, they now seem to be competing to see who can lower the bar furthest; no sooner does one put foot in mouth than the other shoots themselves with both barrels.

Former PM Rob Muldoon's great line about Kiwis moving to Oz increasing the IQ of both countries might have to be reworked to make it Australasia versus the rest of the world.

Key's moments have included that awkward three-way handshake at the presentation of the Rugby World Cup, mincing down the catwalk while modelling volunteer's uniforms and calling a pinky-red shirt "gay".

Abbott's more often indicate some disconnect between brain and mouth, creating "Abbottisms" like "the suppository of all wisdom"; or publicly misnaming people while talking about them; or suggesting "shit happens" in reference to an Australian soldier dying in Afghanistan.

The main difference appears to be that Abbott forgets things before he talks about them, while Key forgets things after they've happened.

It's no wonder the rest of the world now picks up any prime ministerial gaffe and repeats it with glee; a US think-tank recently called Abbott "shockingly incompetent", and one suspects they have Key pegged as not much better.

Of course, it's not just antipodean leaders who are prone to fluffing their lines or pulling the occasional dumb stunt.

Worryingly, it's a trend that seems to be accelerating, suggesting the quality of today's politicians leaves more to be desired than in the past.

Is this a reflection of the general "dumbing down" of people by technology? Or is it that increased distrust and aversion to politics leads to lesser lights being thrust higher up the chain than they ever used to be, simply because there are so few men of goodwill getting involved?

Even so, with Abbott and Key seeming on the verge of breaking new records for ridicule, you have to ask how they got there in the first place.

Mind you, Abbott was recently challenged as leader, and somewhat surprisingly survived; while Key, with a winning trifecta of elections behind him, has yet to face such a test.

Perhaps the thinking goes that if the public can be so readily fooled into believing these are the best men for the job, why disabuse them of that idea? It makes winning next time that much easier, especially if you can pull a stronger candidate out of the hutch.

As for the Anzac tradition, those granite sons of yesteryear may not have known why they died, but at least they deserve remembrance. No "leader" today qualifies for such memorial.

That's the right of it.

Bruce Bisset is a freelance writer and poet