Warren Brown, who lost his son Stu to suicide in 2009, speaks about the 365 movement. Video/Brett Phibbs
Smiling at the checkout operator, chatting to a stranger at the bus stop or sharing some home baking may seem like small tasks but they could stop someone from taking their own life.
That's what two parents believe who have lost their children to suicide. They are starting a movement of kindness.
Warren Brown and Toni Ryan's grassroots initiative - called 365 - is about doing something nice for someone every day of the year. It might be the difference between life and death.
Toni Ryan holds a photo of her son Sam who took his own life in 2011. She said not a day goes by she doesn't wish Sam was alive again. Photo / Lynda Feringa
Masterton tractor driver Ryan lost one of her six children Sam to suicide in 2011. Since then she has been campaigning for change. The 365 movement was launched on Saturday at the Wellington waterfront.
"Every day in New Zealand everyone has literally hundreds of opportunities to make a positive difference in someone's life by doing really simple things," Ryan told the Herald.
"It might be as simple as helping a stressed mum with screaming kids at the supermarket checkout. Chatting to her little person to distract them or getting her groceries on the checkout. Or asking a person on the bus how their day was. It's about being kind to the new kid at school who has no friends to play with.
"People are everywhere, yet so many are feeling alone. We just want people to do simple things to make everyone feel loved and valued."
On top of her suicide prevention work Ryan puts on dinner parties for teen girls to encourage them to support each other and develop their self worth. She also has no problem reaching out to strangers and now they come to her.
Sam Ryan took his own life after suffering intense depression and anxiety. Photo / Supplied
Sam died when he was 16. He struggled with dyspraxia, a condition that affects co-ordination. Sufferers also commonly have anxiety and depression.
His last 18 months he spent self-medicating with marijuana and alcohol which, Ryan explained, is common in young men battling mental health issues.
Ryan hounded different government agencies for help and support but said it was hard to get past them focusing on his bad behaviour.
Ryan believed if she knew what she knew now, Sam would probably still be with them.
"Boys struggling with mental illness have a tendency to be self destructive. Unfortunately it makes it hard when you explain to agencies you're terrified your son will kill himself. I begged and begged and begged and never got very far.
"My job was to love him and to find him help which I definitely did but I didn't know how to fix him."
Ryan said if someone seems distressed you should ask them if they have considered taking their own life. If they say yes you need to validate what they're saying and then accompany them to get help.
"Don't tell them go get help, go with them to get it. Don't walk away until they have help around them and a good support system."
'The world came crashing down'
Warren Brown, who lost his 25 year-old son Stu to suicide in 2009, is encouraging people to do acts of kindness 365 days of the year. Photo / Brett Phibbs
Brown's son Stu died aged 25, completely out of the blue. He didn't have a history of mental health issues and as far as they know nothing traumatic had occurred in Stu's life.
Not knowing the answers was excruciating, Brown said.
"The world came crashing down for Stu and he died... If I had the opportunity to ask him why I would. I've replayed that last conversation with him a million times.
"That's the difference with suicide there isn't any clear answers to what's happened.
"Sometimes something happens in people's lives and for some reason they decide that's it for them."
Brown retreated into a bubble for six months where nothing else mattered except his grief.
It was only when he discovered a support group for people who've had a loved one die by suicide that he began to find solace.
When he moved from Tauranga to Hawke's Bay in 2011 he discovered there was no support group. He set one up the next year with another bereaved parent which has helped him create meaning in his life. The group is called STAROS (Stu and Ryan Our Sons).