Are gifts important at Christmas?

How important are presents at Christmas or birthdays?

I'm not buying my wife a Christmas present.

It's not her, it's me. Actually it's us.

By mutual agreement, we ceased to exchange gifts long ago. She won't be buying anything for me either.

Is it odd for two people that have been together for 30 years, to not be in sync in this manner?

We don't think so. My wife is one of the most giving people I know, we just don't do gifts.

Not at Christmas. Or birthdays. As for anniversaries, we have been together for 30 years, married for roughly half of that.

I say "roughly" because not only do we not do presents ... we are terrible at anniversaries and dates.

We once made our wedding date part of a password. And lost the piece of paper we wrote the password on.

It's not an ideal situation, rummaging around trying to find your marriage certificate so you can make your wi-fi work.

The fact we don't exchange gifts is probably my fault.

One of my worst was a snazzy shirt and necklace combination. They didn't come as a combo - I put them together. I quite liked the shirt and would have worn it myself, if it had fitted.

The necklace was an American Indian style bone bracelet, that looked like a prop from an Adam Ant video.

I thought it was ethnic. It was. But American Indian jewellery on a Ngapuhi/Ngati Kahungunu girl ... not a good combination, apparently.

The shirt made one appearance, the necklace mysteriously vanished. That was over 20 years ago.

A family member that I have bought gifts for returns them to me a year or so later with the words "do you want this, it looks like it might suit you''.

I generally take it back, bite my tongue and it goes into a cupboard somewhere before it eventually find its way to the tip.

As young parents, we both watched, embarrassed at the way our kids discarded one present for the next at Christmas, opening gifts that family members had taken time to select, or consult parents over, with little appreciation.

I never quite got the concept of a "present-less" Christmas across the line. But we did reduce the gift buying within the family to "kids only".

And then watched the kids move from present to present, ripped paper thrown into the air.

At times like Christmas, the fact we don't exchange gifts puts the focus on that old adage of the greatest gift being time. And in my wife's case, patience.

You can't wrap either, but they're great things to give.