Ana Apatu: Comedian's visit a lost opportunity

Comedian Mike King has visited Flaxmere

Louise Anaru, Flaxmere College principal, stands outside the college hall and welcomes us.

We are there to see Mike King - comedian, story teller and advocate for those with mental health challenges. His visit is in response to a number of Flaxmere young people and their families who are faced with these challenges.

Last year Henare O'Keefe and I were invited to Mike Kings' Nutta's show. A Sunday night show on NewsTalk ZB. That was an experience. People obviously awake at this time of 10pm listening to his show and ringing in. I am curious to know how our Paharakeke whanau will respond to Mike and what messages he will deliver. To be honest walking into the hall I am two minds with what might be on offer. 1. Mike himself has a history of mental illness, depression and has also had a stroke. 2. I am nervous an "outsider" will come deliver and then leave - what will be the long term gain in a one off show? 3. A one off event could stir up emotions and leave those affected with little or no support.

I am also a firm believer that the solution to the ailments of a community lies with the community itself (with the right support). Flaxmere College students begin with kapa haka. We are introduced to Tipene Harmer - local musician rapper with his message of how he loves his music and how much his music has given him. And finally we have Mike King. What becomes evident to me early on as I listen to Mike is that people around me can relate to his honesty about his own situation growing up. Mike describes his story growing up. Buck teeth, big head and lack of confidence. Here is someone who appears to be so confident - up on stage making people laugh. But even that came at a cost, we are told.

Mike describes how his sense of humour was aimed at making fun of someone in the audience but it was more than poking fun at someone - it was actually just being plain cruel, he shares.

Walking in, I am pleased to note there are local agencies there to support: Directions Youth Health Service team advertising its service, Hawke's Bay District Health Board school-based nurse Lois Dawson Miakere and someone from CAFS (Child, Adolescent and Family Service).

Listening to Mike, there were some aspects I felt uncomfortable about/with.

Despite him describing how counselling had helped him, I wanted to hear about what counselling services there were for people to access, eg 0800 numbers and "It's OK to ask for help".

I was waiting for someone to give agencies an opportunity to introduce and promote themselves.

There were times when people opened up and shared their personal stories - personality disorders, sexual abuse, family violence. Apart from Mike handing out his card (he did share that part of his team included a psychologist and counsellors), I felt the opportunity to link families to services was missed.

While there were some great messages about families and the importance of them, I also picked up messages that we, as parents, are often in the wrong, that it is healthy to share conflict/air differences in front of our children.

Someone from the audience challenged Mike, saying that she would feel uncomfortable sharing problems with her husband in front of their 6-year-old.

There is no way I claim to be an expert in this area but really, aren't there times for just adult conversations and conflict needing to be worked through separately from our children?

We need to keep some adults' stuff for adults and some children's stuff for children.

However, what this evening did highlight for me was that people need information and support.

After 9pm, Mike suggested we end the evening. I was aware there were still hands in the air with queries and even though he had already described a situation where he had been challenged by a school for "being the white horse" (coming into a community and leaving again) I wanted to see our services being promoted and we did not.

While there were positive aspects to the evening, I feel we missed the opportunity to link families to appropriate services.

-Ana Apatu is chief executive of the U-Turn Trust, based at Te Aranga Marae in Flaxmere.