Politics kicked into touch by AB test

More Kiwis are likely to be watching the second Bledisloe Cup test between the All Blacks and the Wallabies on Saturday night than a political debate. Photo / Brett Phibbs

For those who have spent the past four months on Pitcairn Island or any other spot out of communication reach, it needs to be pointed out that there is an election looming.

It dominates life as we know it.

The dirt is flying and ministers - in fact, anyone associated with any of the main contenders - are ducking for cover, then coming up again with their own verbal ammunition all recharged and red hot.

The muck-rakers are raking away and the political analysts and survey stagers are in a frenzy.

It's a strange and interesting time, and sort of reminds me of a line from American writer PJ O'Rourke, who declared: "Don't vote ... it only encourages them."

However, if you don't vote and the person you hoped would grab a seat in the house misses out then you know who to blame ... PJ O'Rourke, I suppose.

So anyway, the election is everywhere and, until the day the populace sets off to vote, it will dominate the landscape - to the point where you'll begin to hear sighs of resignation and choruses of: "I wish it was all over."

Everyone, as long as everyone is on the roll, of course, has the right to cast a vote and every party has the right to put its ambitions and ideals forward for the populace to consider.

They will all promise utopia of course.

So the time has come for the first "official" verbal forays to begin - not the squabbling chats between opponents during interviews or sound bites from the campaign trails when the babies are hugged, the ales are shared and the smiles are grimace-like.

The party addresses are set to get under way, and you have to wonder at the timing because the opening round this Saturday night clashes with another event of national importance: the second Bledisloe Cup test between the All Blacks and Australia.

So, as the kick-off takes place at Eden Park and is carried live by Sky Sport 1, the first episode of Vote 2014 - Opening Address will kick off on TV1.

It would be safe to assume a large slice of the Kiwi populace will not be overly curious about fiscal spending and advances to the education and health sectors. They'll be more intrigued to see if Wyatt Crockett can stay on the field for the full 80 minutes instead of 70 which he has tended to do of late.

Plus, of course, the pursuit of the cup is currently tied up and, in terms of the greater competition, South Africa has stolen an early march by beating Argentina.

Another draw - disaster.

A win to the Aussies - unthinkable tragedy.

For the political aspirants set to take the stage at the same time as kick-off - unbelievably bad timing.

It also means that anything else screening around that time is doomed, which is a shame because the New Zealand From Above series being rescreened on Prime also at kick-off time is a smart and eye-catching piece of work. Glancing at any landscape from the air is spectacular, but Fiordland and Queenstown is exceptional.

Oh, and the test is played in the delayed sense immediately afterwards on Prime at 8.30 so you can dabble with both if you desire.

No replay of the electoral address, however.

Oh dear, how sad, never mind.

All Blacks vs Australia, Sky Sport 1 from 6.30pm Saturday:

It was pointed out to me that last Wednesday I unleashed a written form of the "commentator's curse" when I waxed lyrical about the entertainment prospects of the opening Bledisloe Cup match in Sydney. And we saw what transpired. The two "rs" dealt to it - rain and the ref. Very much a drawn-out affair. And so, this Saturday the All Blacks and the Wallabies face off again, at Eden Park. So, let me just say here and now that there will be no tries, both teams will be down to 12 men at the end and it will be a six-all yawn in torrential rain. And there'll be a power cut.