“I had everything. I didn’t lose my house, I didn’t have a weather event come through.
“That made me worse because what did I have to be depressed about?
“I had a free car, but that made me worse.”
His mental health issues, preceded by thoughts of suicide back in New Zealand, “finally came to a head” while on tour with the All Blacks.
Sir John said he was lying in bed in Argentina and thinking of suicide.
“I was sick of life.”
His roommate, Sir Michael Jones, said, “JK, you’ve got a good heart”.
Sir John said those words “changed my life”.
He scored two tries the following day against Argentina.
“It was like living in a dream.
“It was like looking at myself from outside myself.”
Sir John said some people in the audience who had been through a crisis may have shared a similar experience.
He went on to ask for help and found that mental health issues were an illness, not a weakness.
“I thought it was me.”
His doctor, then-All Blacks Dr John Mayhew, told him to take anti-depressant medication.
Sir John initially said, “no way”.
“I’m the guy who spends two hours every day in the gym and looking in the mirror.”
Sir John said he would take medicine and medical advice for his body only, but not for his mental health.
But his brain was no different from his body.
Sir John spoke about his own daily mental health tips and tricks, including the need to be proud of oneself.
He told everybody to tell the person next to them that they were awesome.
He said his next request was more difficult.
“Tell yourself that you’re awesome”.
Some younger people no longer recognise the 1984-1994, 63-cap All Black as one of the country’s most famous former rugby players.
Some people referred to him as “that mental health guy”, he said.
He watched “you guys” on television during Cyclone Gabrielle.
Some people would suffer mental health issues after the cyclone, he said.
“I just want to thank you for your courage and thank you for what you do for your families.
“I went and saw the boys who are cleaning out the clubhouse.
“Don’t forget to say congratulations to yourself.
“You’re doing an amazing job; I know there’s a lot to do.”
Sir John also spoke in Napier, Hastings and at cyclone-impacted areas in rural Hawke’s Bay on Tuesday.
Along with his Te Karaka meeting and a public event at Lawson Field Theatre last night, he spoke about mental wellbeing to about 1000 people in two days.
