He was looking for support or simply good advice on what to do.
What he got, he said, was an uninterested person, who sounded like they had just woken up.
The person would not tell him their name until he asked for it repeatedly.
He began to get agitated, his demeanour reflective of the life and death situation he was in. “I wanted whakawhanaungatanga (an introduction), kotahitanga (unity), awhi (support), and aroha (love),” he said.
Hauora Tairawhiti acting clinical care medical and mental health manager Natasha Ashworth said the couple did the right thing by ringing 0800 243 500.
“This is the number to reach the 24/7 Psychiatric Crisis team.”
Ms Ashworth said she was very sorry the couple did not get the assistance they were looking for from the mental health service.
“The second person the couple spoke with was a clinician with the crisis team. They were on call, not at work.
“If the husband was worried his wife was in immediate physical danger to herself or others, he could have called the police on 111.”
The husband said getting the police involved in a mental health situation did not feel right.
“Having your loved one locked up in a cell when they need help and they are having self-harm thoughts, that would just make them feel even worse about themselves and take it to another level.”
He initially rang the hospital at 2.49am and asked to be put through to Ward 11.
“The lady who answered gave me no introduction. She just asked who I was while I was trying to get out of her who she was.
“Her listening space wasn’t where it needed to be.”
Love for each other got them throughA second person rang back. This person sounded asleep, he said.
Both told him to call back in the morning at the start of the new shift — the first caller told him to call at 7am, the second at 8am.
While he was trying to get help, his wife was beside him describing what she was going though.
“I wasn’t very good at all. I was in a lonely space. These walls were shutting down around me and I was heading out the door to the road.
“I know I’m doing wrong, I can’t control it sometimes. It tears my whole mind up.”
She is on medication for depression and schizophrenia.
The couple are newly-weds and have been together for about eight years.
“My wife is quite sensitive and takes a lot of stuff to heart. We have our ups and down as all couples do.”
But what stopped her that night from taking her own life was the love she had for her partner, and the love he had for her, she said.
It was a long, tough night, the woman said. Her mind was over-thinking and she was shaking.
She had done free counselling through her GP, but each time it got to a certain point, the counselling stopped.
Getting her through now is a group called Emerge, which helps her get out socially about three times a week.
She loves those days. Doing crafts, colouring-in or painting takes her mind away from the other thoughts.
She enjoys this supportive group of people.
But at home the thoughts torture her, she says.
Most of the time her husband says he can be there for her and talk her around, but sometimes his health is not the best.
It was not that night, which is why he rang for help.
Ms Ashworth said now the circumstances had been brought to their attention, their process would be reviewed to see how they could make improvements.
“We want to be as supportive as possible in these distressing situations. We will contact the couple to seek their assistance in our improvement work.
“If anyone finds themselves in this situation it is important to stay close by, let the distressed person know you care, and keep them talking. Listen and ask questions without judgement.
“At Hauora Tairawhiti we welcome feedback on our services. Anyone can provide feedback either through an email to feedback@tdh.org.nz, a phone call to our quality team (06 869 0500) or by completing the ‘Tell us what you think’ form available at various places around Gisborne Hospital including the front entrance.
“All feedback is followed up because we really do aim to demonstrate our WAKA values of whakarangatira, aroha, kotahitanga and awhi for every person in our care.”
