“I’ve been wrapped up in love by those that love me genuinely, whānau and friends and I can’t express my gratitude to those that held my hand in some of the darkest times.”
Ms Allan said she had been deeply unhappy for a long time and people close to her knew she felt unable to keep going any more.
“I’m an all or nothing person, and that has plenty of consequences . . . for someone like me. I’m pretty good at my job but (it) comes at the expense of those you love and that love you. Partners, kids, whānau, hapū, iwi. Life. Joy. My authentic self if I’m being real.
“I never could bring myself to leave a job I loved, but also brought a lot of pain personally. So I guess my tupuna took that decision on my behalf.”
Since then, she wrote that she had worked though some “deep shiz” and had been diagnosed with ADHD, PTSD and dysregulated emotions.
“Having been diagnosed with depression and anxiety for years, it was a slightly painful experience realising I’d been misdiagnosed and mis-medicated for years.
“Now I’m getting the right support for that, but it’s a new journey of learning a complete different way of operating. If I can have a laugh at anything, it’s the number of people that have said, “BRO, WE KNEW FOR AGES!”. Shot guys . . . well, now I know, too.”
On the work front going forward, she said she would be doing what she has done her entire life.
“Advocating for causes I care about, a focus on economic growth and development and connecting people. The stuff I love and brings me joy.”
Ms Allan thanked those who had showered her with aroha throughout the last seven years, as well as her local Labour crew and colleagues.
She gave special thanks to Jacinda Ardern, who she said was one of the most incredible leaders she had had the chance to work with.
“I love you mate and am forever grateful for the opportunities you gave me personally, but mostly for the way you led in some of our darkest hours — with deep aroha for those that needed it and a courage to make decisions in some of the worst times we’ve seen recently.”
She also thanked her former partner Natalie for raising their baby when she went into Parliament and Meka Whaitiri for always showing up when Allan needed her strength.
Finally, she thanked recent former partner Māni Dunlop, who had been by her side during some of the hardest times in her life.
“From cancer to the pressures that come with living with someone with an undiagnosed mental health issue, and simply for showing up even when I was not present — when you deserved a lot more from someone who you gave so much of yourself to.
“You are a shining light, talented and you give all of yourself to our people and to those you love.” — NZ Herald
Where to get help:
• Lifeline: Call 0800 543 354 or text 4357 (HELP) (available 24/7)
• Suicide Crisis Helpline: Call 0508 828 865 (0508 TAUTOKO) (available 24/7)
• Youth services: (06) 3555 906
• Youthline: Call 0800 376 633 or text 234
• What’s Up: Call 0800 942 8787 (11am to 11pm) or webchat (11am to 10.30pm)
• Depression helpline: Call 0800 111 757 or text 4202 (available 24/7)
• Helpline: Need to talk? Call or text 1737
If it is an emergency and you feel like you or someone else is at risk, call 111.
